How did that happen?

I am not sure how we got from this....

to this...

Thomas Black Friday Shopping, take 3

Three years ago as we were preparing for Christmas my mother in law kept telling me she needed to take Briley shopping to pick out Christmas presents from them. Briley was 5 months old at the time so... not so much, BUT it gave me an idea and I suggested we make it a tradition to go shopping the weekend after Thanksgiving with Matt's parents, his sister and her family, and his aunt. It stuck and just this weekend we did our 3rd annual shopping trip. It's almost comical how LITTLE we get done and how LONG it takes us to do the simplest things, but it's a memory made and after all, isn't that what the holidays are for?

We usually leave before 10 am, do a little shopping, lunch, more shopping, dinner, more shopping... but this year we downplayed it a bit. We made plans to meet for lunch at Mugshots at 11 and then shop as long as we could. We're in an extremely irritable phase with sweet River right now so we knew the day was really up to him (and have I mentioned he screams the entire time he is in his carseat?) There was hardly anyone else at Mugshots when we arrived so we should have been in and out in an hour tops.... but we had (what we think was) a new waiter and it was an experience to say the least. He took ages to get our drinks, take our order, brought our food out in stages, and completely forgot my father-in-law's order. We were in there a solid hour and a half minimum. Oy. I find it hilarious that over the next 6 hours we only made it in 4 stores.

We make it a point to get a pic of the kids with Santa every year and this year I had gotten the little's matching Christmas shirts, but River had a blow out before we even had a chance to meet Santa. River cried a lot of the day so around 6:30 we called it quits, got ChikFilA to go, and headed home... everyone else headed for dinner and more shopping.

Hopefully next year will be a little easier... :)

Before Baby

When I was 30 weeks pregnant with my first, Briley, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called ITP. My body doesn’t recognize my platelets and destroys them. A normal platelet count is 150,000-400,000; when I was diagnosed mine were 67,000. (At the beginning of my pregnancy they were 118,000, but because it wasn’t too terribly low my OB didn’t catch it.) For the remainder of my pregnancy they stayed between 50,000-70,000. I did ivig, an IV infusion treatment, when I was 36 weeks pregnant. IVIG is supposed to “reboot” your immune system in the hopes that it will stop attacking your body. A week later I got sick with a virus, wound up in the maternity evaluation unit, and was found to be borderline pre-eclamptic… so I was induced. We were hoping for a count over 100,000 which is required for an epidural, but I was only at 56,000. I delivered her without the epidural after 22 hours. My platelets plummeted to 30,000 after delivery, but no complications and they began to climb back up after 24 hours. While not pregnant my counts stayed around 70,000-90,000… low, but not low enough to need treatment. Anytime I get sick my counts drop and after one virus in the summer of 2010 they dropped low enough that I started wondering if I should even put my body through another pregnancy. I hesitantly made an appointment with my hematologist dreading the news he would give me. I should state here that I LOVE my hematologist- he is everything I think a doctor should be. Kind, honest, funny, realistic, encouraging. I took my concerns to him and he basically said, “What are you waiting for?” He encouraged me to start trying for another baby as soon as we wanted. I told him I knew that another pregnancy could be just fine and I might not have any issues with my platelets and he said, “It could, but it could be worse. Either way, you will be fine. You can handle it. Go for it.” He gave me his complete blessing. As it turns out (as far as ITP goes) it was much worse and neither River nor I escaped unscathed, but knowing now what I didn’t then… well, I would still do it. I would still walk through it- every scary moment when each time I had a platelet count checked it was lower than the count before, every treatment, every hour I spent in the hospital with issues, everything. I would do it all again because it got my son to me.

I also have type 1 diabetes, but “excellent” control while pregnant and that is a quote straight from the horses mouth. River was discharged from the hospital with an 8 PAGE discharge summary chronicling everything from my pregnancy to his birth and entire NICU stay. My OB’s noted: “Mom has type 1 diabetes. Currently on MDI Lantus and Novalog with EXCELLENT CONTROL.” Vindication. So yeah, I might have huge babies (9 lbs, 1 oz. and 9 lbs, 12 oz), but it’s not because I have diabetes. (Soap box!) With both my pregnancies I averaged an a1c of 6.0-6.4. FYI, an a1c of someone without diabetes is considered normal at 6.0 and less. Once I got the all clear from my hematologist I knew my endocrinologist would follow suit. And he did.

wordless wednesday- pumpkin patch

His Timing

Matt and I have always wanted a big family. We wanted to have our children close together in age and planned on getting pregnant again when our daughter turned 1. Matt lost his job when she was 11 months old so we put that on hold and we waited on God. It was 18 long months until Matt was employed full time (with benefits), but God met our every need during that time. I don’t think there was a day that passed that my heart didn’t ache for another child. It was hard knowing that God was calling us too more children, but also knowing He was calling us to wait on His timing. I wasn’t on birth control because it really seems to aggravate my blood sugar so we relied on natural family planning. If you’ve ever gotten into a conversation about NFP with anyone you know the biggest argument against it is how unreliable it is. We knew there was a chance of getting pregnant, but it was always my prayer that God would open my womb in His time and I knew He would. We never had a single pregnancy “scare” in the year of using NFP

Finally, Matt was hired on full time with benefits in November 2010 with a company he’d been working PRN for. We prayed and immediately began to try for our next child. In the year of NFP I had noticed my cycle was a bit messed up, but nothing too concerning. We tried for one month and then I decided to call my OB and run everything by her. I felt like we’d waited so long just waiting that I wanted to jump on top of any potential problems that would make it difficult to get pregnant. They did some testing which revealed I had low progesterone levels (one of the most common causes of infertility in women.) I knew this could be remedied with a certain prescription from my OB so I didn’t worry too much and we entered month 2 of trying. I remember Matt, Briley, and I were on the way to a Christmas parade a few weeks later when I got a call from my OB’s main nurse. She said they wanted to check my levels one more time with this cycle and then they would refer me to infertility. WAIT A SECOND. I was under the impression low progesterone could be easily fixed with a simple prescription. “Well, it can,” the nurse said, “but she doesn’t deal with that a lot so she’s just going to send you to infertility.” In shock, I got off the phone and I can remember being SO MAD. Being referred to infertility meant waiting at minimum a month for an appointment then going through a full work up before anything would be done. I’ll admit to a break down in the shower the next day with a conversation that went A LOT like this: “Are you kidding me, Lord? We’ve waited 18 stinking months to start trying to have another baby and now THIS? Now I have to WAIT EVEN LONGER.” My attitude wasn’t the greatest and I forgot whose timeline I was on, but He gently spoke to me. I very clearly felt in my spirit he reminded me He was still in control and I chose at that moment to let it go. I even thought to myself that perhaps I was overreacting a little, but I was due to start my period the next day so I chalked it all up to PMS. Have you figured out how this story ends yet? Two days later with two pink lines.

I want to remember this, to hold it close because I need to remember how God ordained my son’s life before it began. It was not a mistake, it was by His perfect timing. And it was against the odd’s which has proven to be a theme for River.

Back in the beginning...

I can't share our story without going back a few year's... because we wouldn't be where we are now without walking through what we did then.

Matt & I were married in August 2006 & we knew without a doubt that God had ordained our marriage. Matt is everything I never knew I always wanted. I have felt my share of heartbreak & I would walk through every second of it again knowing it would eventually get me to him. We had an amazing first year of marriage & I remember thinking, “If the first year is the hardest, bring on the next 50 years!” Over the next four years we have walked through things I would never imagine or could have prepared for.

In October 2008, we found out we were unexpectedly expecting. We have always known we wanted children (many), so for us this was a huge blessing. However, I have type one diabetes (was diagnosed in 1997 at age 12) so there were some concerns with how my body would handle an unplanned pregnancy. God was faithful and I had ZERO complications or problems from diabetes with my pregnancy.

In February 2009 we found out Matt needed open heart surgery to repair his mitral valve. He had not seen a cardiologist in 7 years because his MVP was considered very mild. He received a random email from UAB looking for people with MVP to join a medical study. Imagine our surprise when we were told Matt had a severe leak & would need to see a surgeon asap. I've come to know what it means to be surrounded by chaos & only feel sweet, sweet peace. I sat in a waiting room at 31 weeks pregnant while my husband was wheeled off into open heart surgery &my faith in my Lord never wavered. I had complete peace. That was not me. That was only God in me.

Then in April 2009, through a blood test my doctor didn’t even order he noticed my platelet count was low & consulted with my OB to follow up. To make a long story short I was diagnosed with an additional autoimmune disease, ITP. A normal platelet count is 150,000-400,000. When found mine were at 76,000. I saw a hematologist & had an IVIG treatment at 36 weeks pregnant. The treatment was supposed to “reboot” my immune system in the hopes my body would recognize my platelets & they would rise making labor & delivery safer for me & my unborn daughter. One week later I developed preeclampsia & had to be induced at 37 weeks. They did a CBC & we were expecting to be told my platelets were in the 200,000’s. They were 56,000. This meant no epidural… gulp. To make a very long story very short- 22 hours later Briley arrived. Upon which my platelets plummeted to 32,000. But God is good & He is faithful. Platelets began to rise within 24 hours & Briley was (& is) an absolute blessing. She never had one second of problems & was born completely healthy without any indication of the stress my body had been under. As a side note I was diagnosed with a third autoimmune disease 9 months postpartum. Despite a very high risk pregnancy that seemed to be complicated with everything it could be God kept me from total harm… yes, my medical chart probably seemed like a trainwreck, but nothing ever came from any of my health issues. God sustained me & protected me. He is good! If you read that & take away only one thing take away this: God had MERCY on us. He spared my life, he spared my husband’s life, & he spared my daughter’s life.

We welcomed our sweet, sweet girl into our world & felt like things were finally on the upswing. Satan saw we had not wavered in our faith in God nor had we stopped to question “why”… knowing that God has called us according to His purposes & His plans was enough. Things, we have learned, can always be worse.

In May 2009 my husband lost his job. It was a shock. We were hurt, we were scared, we were… a million emotions, but in the stillness there was hope. You see- on May 4^th we had started a prayer journal. The FIRST thing we had written & given to God reads, “For Matt to be able to quit his job.” It had become very negative work environment, all the therapists were overworked, underpaid, and unhappy. It was very clearly affecting Matt outside of work...he would come home exhausted, frustrated, and just plain down. 11 days later God answered our prayer. Who am I to question HOW he answered it? Through that period of unemployment God provided for us in ways I could never imagine. No, things were not perfect. Things were not easy. Sometimes we forget to lay it at the foot of the cross. Life is so much harder when I try to carry it on my own. It was 18 long months before a job even opened up in Matt's field and praise God, he was hired for it. During those 18 months he worked his tail off starting a side contracting and landscaping business. God provided so much work for Matt and Matt enjoyed what he was doing. Losing his job turned out to be such a blessing to him- he was completely different and it was like a literal load was lifted off of him despite the fact that we were struggling financially. One of the biggest worries when he lost his job was our health insurance. We were able to stay with our same provider and pay through Cobra for 18 months from the job termination date, but after that we would lose coverage. We knew we couldn't let that happen... with three autoimmune diseases if I had a lapse in coverage I would never be able to picked up again. It was almost 18 months to the day when Matt was hired full time with benefits. Isn't God on time? We seemed to be walking hand in hand with God during that season of our life and He poured out his blessings upon us. Sometimes it was through strangers- we had a complete stranger send us a check for $500 after hearing our story. Friends and family allowed God to use them as well- whether it was taking us to dinner, buying diapers, sending Matt work referrals, hiring Matt for work, or just flat out sending us money. They went above and beyond anything we expected, deserved, or imagined. One friend (though she will never tell me where it came from!) showed up at my house with coffee cans full of loose change... to the tune of over $500. Through it all we prayed that God would give those who has blessed us back ten fold what they had done for us.

This doesn’t even mention the countless trials & tribulations we watched our families walk through as well. We have seen deaths & births, surgeries, cancer diagnoses, & more. We had a house on the market for 3 years and 10 months and because of that we accrued a lot of debt, but through Him we were able to avoid foreclosure. Through the period of unemployment we felt like we had to put our lives on hold for a lot of things we were ready for, but not financially ready for. It was sometimes hard to remember we were on God's timeline and not ours, but we can see now how involved He was. Our lives were not and are not perfect, but my God? My God is.

Why blog?

I used to blog when I was in college. My posts back then were probably pretty melodramatic and annoying to be honest, but I still enjoy going back and reading them. I was a small town girl at a big university, living with my best friends, nursing a "broken heart", and trying to find myself. I was smack dab in the middle of developing a real relationship with God -one that was being cultivated by my choices and my desires, so it's really interesting to me to go back and read all that. I blogged a lot about my future husband- characteristics and traits that were important to me, how I thought I would feel when I met him, and now that I am married to him I love reading those because I can see so obviously how God had a hand in it.

So why blog now? Because I love the thought of going back and reading this in the future. I love the idea of having these family memories stuck somewhere besides my head. And because God has done SO MUCH for our family over the last 5 years that I can't believe the opportunity I missed out on by not blogging and sharing that. God has really shown Himself worthy on our behalf and in my gratefulness I'd like to bring some glory to His name by sharing it.